Is This the REAL You???

15 Apr

2014-04-27 17.36.00My dad has told me on many occasions that it takes at least 90 days to really start to see who a person is. As a divorced woman, having been single now for about 6 years, I lean on my father’s wisdom about men because I honestly sometimes just don’t know who men really are! 🙂 It has taken me 43 years, much heartache and pain, as well as some really good lovin’ to realize that people generally send their “representative” to meet you before you ever meet who they really are. I was essentially raised by my father (my mother worked days when I was a little girl and my father worked nights and took care of me during the day), who is a very genuine hearted person through and through. What you see with him is always what you get. He taught me to express who I am without fear and to be authentically ME. Thus, what you see when you first meet me is, in essence, who I am. As you get to know me, what you saw the first time tends to grow to the 10th power and beyond. 🙂

I think one of the big problems in fostering and forging relationships is that by the time the REAL person presents himself/herself, we’ve already fallen for their “representative”! When we begin to see shadows of the true heart of a person, it would do us well to believe what we see. The “representative” will only be able to speak on behalf of the authentic heart of a person for so long. Inevitably, out of the abundance of one’s heart will the mouth eventually speak. Ultimately, what a person says and what they do will either align or collide. Either way, we must give others an opportunity to REVEAL who they really are before jumping ALL in. For those who are “free spirits” like myself and who are always looking for and believing there’s good in everyone, we must be ever careful to walk in discernment and not live in bliss, but rather truth.

Remember, not everyone will feel free to share the authenticity of themselves with you right off the bat, and that’s okay. However, it helps you to give others space and time to reveal themselves, which also affords you  opportunity to make a WISE decision about with whom you choose to forge relationships. If you’re new to a relationship or if you’re uncertain about what you see in the other person or maybe you see “shadows” of someone else behind their representative, ask them this:



This Calling

10 Jul

I have a married friend who tells me all the time, “Honey, I don’t envy you in this dating game at all!” Honestly, I’m in agreement with her. Dating is not for every single person. More often than not, I feel as though it may not be for me. I enjoy watching others fall in love. I rejoice with those who find the right one. However, when my daughter asked me this morning if I thought I would ever get married again, I could not answer “yes” with certainty. In my heart, I want to love again and share the rest of my life with my Mr. Right, but in real life, I often wonder if GOD created a man in HIS image and likeness who will accept me – Calling, Strength, Weaknesses, Flaws, and All.

Yep, I said it – The Calling on my life causes many men to reject me. The Calling is not all of me, yet it encompasses and requires all of me. It’s not the totality of who I am, yet it’s the reality of who I am. The Calling is the thorn in my flesh that buffets me. It keeps me on my face and often alone. This Calling requires the strength and outspoken nature of my personality. The Calling requires my passion and my love for GOD’S people. The Calling requires long suffering, patience, and kindness. The Calling requires my constant communication with others, organization and discipline in my life. The Calling requires a need for understanding and clarity. The Calling requires the purity and sincerity of my heart and my need to give love and care. These things, does The Calling require, but in building a healthy relationship, I’ve learned that my strength and outspoken nature are not desired. When establishing a relationship with a man, my passion and love for him as one of GOD’S children is not as valuable. My long suffering, patience, and kindess is an expectation whether it’s being reciprocated or not. When establishing a relationship with a man, my ability to “communicate” is overrated and my silence becomes golden. To most men, the need for understanding and clarity are equated to being a nagger. My organization and discipline cause me to look uptight and rigid, and my purity and sincerity of heart often make me look clingy and needy. In essence, when dating, I must “morph” into a new being if I desire to date successfully… or must I?

Although I often struggle in doing it, balancing such a personality is the key. I cannot change who I am, but I can balance how I issue out who I am. I still believe that the right man can handle ALL of me, yet I also know that I must still balance the rationing out of all of me. I’m a lot to handle! This I know, yet most mighty men are a lot to handle too, and unfortunately they don’t always know it. Come here, David! – A mighty man of GOD and a complex and often difficult man of GOD – At the same time, David was a man after GOD’S own heart. His covenant relationships were few. His mistakes in those relationships were myriad, but he loved GOD and sought to do HIS will. Now, take David, change the story a bit, make him a woman, and call her, Andrea. 🙂

I’m a WOMAN, operating in a GOD GIVEN calling that many believe is only ordained and sanctioned for a MAN, and I’m doing it in a MAN’S arena. While it’s often difficult, I KNOW I have a GRACE on my life to do it, which causes me to do it well. No matter what the sacrifice(s), I’ll choose The Calling every time…. Yes, I want my man, but I want to please my GOD more….. How ever HE’S ordained it to be be, I’m cool with it….


Does My Whip Offend You?

27 Mar

ImageI met a man, last night, who was ON POINT. His look was on point. His conversation was tight. His spirituality was obvious in his conversation. His business life seemed solid. He was, essentially and overall, ON POINT. We talked for a few hours about lots of things, and it felt as though we’d been friends for years (I’m already laughing). As the night dwindled away, my girlfriend, who was with me, asked him to drive us to my car (she knew him). He was glad to oblige. As we’re driving down Main Street, I tell him that we’re approaching my car. Just in front of my car was a beautiful, black 400 series Benz. I look over at him and notice that he’s smiling with delight. I start to get really tickled because I realize that this brother thinks that he’s about to hand me over to this plush whip, and I can almost hear his thoughts, “Thank YOU, Jesus! Finally, one who’s self sufficient!” I let him get a little bit closer to both cars and prepared to break his heart. “You can pull over right here,” I said, smiling. He smiles back and replies, “Okay, Baby.” My girlfriend jumps out of the backseat and walks, not to the Benz, but to Big Bertha, my red Volvo. She’s pulling on the door handle of my car, and yelling at me, “Girl, unlock the door!” By this time, I’m literally crying from holding in my laughter. I yell back at her, “Girl, I can’t ‘let you in’… Ain’t nothing “electric” on Big Bertha! I’ll be there in a minute.” I look over at him, and his face was shadowed with disappointment. He tries to hold himself together and plaster a smile on his face before saying, “So… text me when you make it home.” I smiled, nodded, and replied, “Sure, I will.” I thanked him for driving us to my car and bid him good night. While everything seemed to be ON POINT, I wasn’t holding my breath to hear from him again.

I don’t drive a Benz, a BMW, or a Bentley, but Brothers, let me be clear. Just because a woman CHOOSES to drive a vehicle that’s PAID for and is not NEW, doesn’t mean that she’s not self sufficient. I have my own house, my own car, and I pay my own bills. I can buy my own drinks and my own dinner. However, it’s kind and gentlemanly of a man to dine and date a woman. I’m educated. My conversation is tight. My look is tight. I’m anointed. I have my own money to put into what I deem necessary. If you see ALL of that in me, yet when you walk me to my car, you find my whip offensive, then you’re nothing more to me than a label whore. You may find my whip offensive, but I have a title. Cars don’t impress me. When I see some of you coming in your Benz, BMW, or Bentley, I don’t see a nice car. I see a BILL. Your whips don’t offend me, but they don’t impress me either. Can you get past my RIDE to see my REAL…. beauty?

Love Is A Battlefield

12 Mar

It didn’t take Pat Houston’s interview with Oprah to confirm what I already know – that outside influences can kill GOD ordained relationships. It also didn’t take Pat telling Oprah that Whitney Houston often attempted to dim her light so that her husband’s would appear brighter, for me to believe it, because I lived it.

The latter statement, first, I remember being married and feeling as though I had to down play my bubbly and outgoing personality to make my husband’s quiet disposition “shine”. My feeling was in no way a reflection of how he felt, but my feeling was a result of seeds that had been sown in our marriage from outside influences (I will discuss “outside influences” later in this post).  We were both called into ministry. His ministry gift is that of a teacher. My ministry gift is that of a pastor. I knew it then, and I know it now. However, I didn’t want to look like the “Jezebel” that his friends and family had already begun to call me. I didn’t want to appear controlling. Thus, I encouraged him to take the lead and function as pastor of the church we established. Big mistake. Huge! His leadership was not the problem. The problem was that he was operating as something that he wasn’t, and I was pastoring from the back, which made me look even more like a “Jezebel”. It’s kind of funny now that I look back on it, but it was so frustrating at the time! I couldn’t help who I was. I couldn’t help that I was also outgoing and outspoken. However, I could have helped the situation by being honest about what I was called and ordained to do and not worrying about how people would view me. My husband’s friends and family began to secretly plant seeds of discord in our marriage by telling him that I was controlling and too outspoken. While he tried to make it seem as though those word seeds didn’t bother him, his opinion and view of me began to change, and it showed. We were no longer a couple. We had become competitors. Our marriage had become a “pissing” match, but I didn’t want to compete, nor did he. I simply wanted to fulfill my calling while being a wife. We couldn’t separate the calling into the five-fold ministry from our calling as husband and wife. The lines and boundaries became blurred, and after awhile, we no longer cared enough to fight for the covenant. This was not the only thing that led to the demise of our marriage, but I believe that this was a considerably large factor. I promised myself that I would never “down play” or minimize who I was fearfully and wonderfully made to be….

….And yet, I found myself falling in love with a much stronger personality, post divorce, and still down playing who I was, not because I wanted him to shine (He was and is a “shiner”), but because I was extremely intimidated by him. We clicked. We fit. We shared similar experiences. Our conversation fit. We were friends, yet his friends and some foes, were intent on making sure that whatever they thought we had would not prosper. I remember making the Big Mistake of sharing my heart, which was pure and full of Love towards this man, and those who I thought loved both of us, taking that information, perverting it, and using it to build a case against me towards him. Outside influences….. Because I felt that my ex-husband didn’t cover me and defend me, it is so important to me that real friends and those who say they love me, defend me and cover me. Because this man’s priority need was loyalty, when they came to him about me, he felt as though I had been disloyal to him. Neither of us considered the others’ perspective, which was based on what we had both gone through and experienced in our previous marriages. He helped me realize that I had lots of healing to do from my marriage and divorce, and I believe I helped him realize that he needed to do the same. He broke it off with me, and I NOW thank him for that. I’m thankful to him because he taught me to make no apologies for who I am. That separation taught me to let my light SHINE as bright as GOD wants it to be. Our time apart also taught me to love other SHINING stars quietly. No matter how much I love, I must be cautious in sharing and publicizing that love because adversity awaits to destroy it. I also learned just how strong my love can be. My love for him has weathered many storms…. many arguments…. many attempts to destroy it.

I’ve made many mistakes, but because I’ve learned so much in making those mistakes, I have no regrets. I’ve learned that when it counts most, my husband will not have to wonder if I’m his “Ride or Die” chick. My love is strong enough to weather the storm while we’re RIDING, and is strong enough to keep until DEATH do us part. I’ve learned to be me, unapologetically. I’ve learned that mature love is considerate and thoughtful. I’ve learned to learn people and their history before drawing a conclusion. I’ve learned that my perspective is limited, but GOD’S perspective is “many-sided”. Yes, I’m still talking about LOVE! I’ve learned that mature love covers and keeps. Finally, I’ve learned that love is to be kept in the secret garden until the Man of GOD and the Woman of GOD are ready to reveal it, defend it, and fight for it.

I love Pat Benetar’s song, “Love Is A Battlefield”….. It really is…..

How’s Your VaJayJay?

7 Feb

“Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in every way, and that your body may keep well, even as I know your soul keeps well and prospers.” 3 John: 2 Amp

I scheduled my annual “female” exam this month, and I selected a physician who was new to me. My former gynecologist moved. Thus, I had to select a new doctor – Someone new to MY VaJayJay. Yep, I said it – VaJayJay – Vagina – Cat – Coochie! Whatever you choose to call it, I encourage you to take care of it!

When it comes to selecting physicians, I can be very critical. I don’t like to wait for extended periods of time. The area must be clean, and the staff must be professional. After all, it’s hard enough to get women in here, and most women dread being in the stirrups and hearing the word, “Relax”, from a person in a white lab coat who doesn’t know you from the next chick who walks in. If you have to tell me to RELAX when I’m in this position, then something about this is not RIGHT or NATURAL! 🙂

The physician’s assistant/student came in first. She introduced herself, advised me of what was going to take place, and began asking me a series of questions that took about 10 minutes. I recall thinking, “Wow…. She is really thorough!” She then advised me that she was going to present my case to the doctor, which was not much of a case, and they would both be in shortly. She gave me the general instructions to get undressed, put the gown on opened to the front, and cover myself with the huge white “paper towel”. Ladies, you know the routine!

The doctor comes in, introduces herself, shakes my hand, and looks at me for a moment. I stare her in her eyes, and for a moment, we’re silent. She then asks me, “Ms. Holliday, what questions do you have about the gynecological portions of your body?” I was stunned for minute because no one had ever asked me that, not that I had any specific questions, and if I did, I asked them. However, I never had my doctor to ask me that directly. My reply was, “Hmmmm… No one has ever asked me that!” She laughs and says, “Well, it’s your body and your VaJayJay!” She was absolutely right! She completed the exam and asked me some other questions as she was examining me. At the end of the exam, she says to me, “You know, it’s really abnormal to see a 40 yr old woman so NORMAL!” I’ll take that, please and thank you!

Here’s the point: It’s your body and your VaJayJay! Ask questions about it. Go to the doctor! Many of us are afraid to go to the doctor because we don’t want a “negative” report. Being in denial and walking in fear is negative! Go to the doctor! Talk to your doctor about your VaJayJay. If you don’t love your VaJayJay, then I can assure you, NO ONE else will! 🙂

Live Well. Live Whole… And Prosper!


Whipping the Resistant Ass

19 Jan

Call me “Old Skool”, and if you do, then call me “Bible Old Skool”, but I’m just of the mindset that continuous opposition to something that GOD clearly spoke was mine, is a clear indication that I’m on the right track! Do I enjoy battle? No, but sometimes, it’s necessary. Do I want to fight? Not really, but if that’s what it takes to get my stuff back, then so be it. Bring it on!!!

I say this somewhat jokingly, but the seriousness of the times in which we live, calls for warfare. I don’t know where believers get off thinking that just speaking a word, puts “it” in our hands. Your words create it, yet the enemy will try to oppose what GOD has sanctioned and ordained. Who told you that you wouldn’t have to fight?!? Prayer is fighting. Fasting is fighting. Yielding your heart and will to the plan and will of GOD is fighting. Believing is fighting. Faith is fighting. Forgiving is fighting. Loving is fighting. You WILL fight!!!

As I’ve considered the opposition Joseph, Elijah, Jesus, and others endured because of what GOD said to them and sanctioned them to do, I realized that every promise doesn’t come wrapped in silver and gold, smelling like roses, and riding in on a white horse. Many promises come riding in on asses that leave “stuff” everywhere, stank, and resist the movement of GOD! BUT, these promises yet COME!!!

Today, I crack a whip to the ass of resistance! Resistance and opposition doesn’t mean that you missed GOD or that GOD changed HIS mind…. NO! I stand on the ORIGINAL Word of GOD. I’m not double-minded, and I’m not wavering. My belief and faith are strong. I see clearly. The enemy can try and steal my stuff, but I promise you, he wouldn’t know what to do with it because these promises have been sanctioned and ordained for me! They were tailor-made by my GOD just for me, and I am the key that unleashes THESE manifestations! Thus, as I whip the ass of resistance, I also command it to MOVE and give… me…my…stuff!!!

You Don’t Have To Live With It

13 Jan

I’ve had some pain in my pinky finger for about six weeks. I don’t remember hitting it or slamming it in a door. I just recall a progressing pain over the last few weeks. In spite of the swelling and obvious deformity, I still dismissed it, thinking, “The swelling will go down, and it will be fine.” I’ve been living with it for SIX weeks, and yesterday, I decided to go to my doctor’s office since I was in the area. They took an x-ray of my finger and announced, “It’s broken.” The doctor and I began to laugh uncontrollably because I was prepared to live with a broken finger!

Likewise, so many of us are prepared to live broken because we don’t remember what it’s like to live healed and whole. Many people have made adjustments in their lives, emotions, and mindsets to accommodate unhealthy past relationships, and as opposed to recovering who we truly are, we’ve accepted those adjustments as being part of who we are, no matter how dysfunctional we have become. I’m saying to you today, “YOU DON’T HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT!” Stop dealing with people from UNHEALTHY adjustments that you made in old relationships, and start dealing with people from who you were originally created to BE, where you’re going, and who they are! Broken, now doesn’t mean broken, always…. Receive your healing and BE made WHOLE! YOU DON’T HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT!