Love Is A Battlefield

12 Mar

It didn’t take Pat Houston’s interview with Oprah to confirm what I already know – that outside influences can kill GOD ordained relationships. It also didn’t take Pat telling Oprah that Whitney Houston often attempted to dim her light so that her husband’s would appear brighter, for me to believe it, because I lived it.

The latter statement, first, I remember being married and feeling as though I had to down play my bubbly and outgoing personality to make my husband’s quiet disposition “shine”. My feeling was in no way a reflection of how he felt, but my feeling was a result of seeds that had been sown in our marriage from outside influences (I will discuss “outside influences” later in this post).  We were both called into ministry. His ministry gift is that of a teacher. My ministry gift is that of a pastor. I knew it then, and I know it now. However, I didn’t want to look like the “Jezebel” that his friends and family had already begun to call me. I didn’t want to appear controlling. Thus, I encouraged him to take the lead and function as pastor of the church we established. Big mistake. Huge! His leadership was not the problem. The problem was that he was operating as something that he wasn’t, and I was pastoring from the back, which made me look even more like a “Jezebel”. It’s kind of funny now that I look back on it, but it was so frustrating at the time! I couldn’t help who I was. I couldn’t help that I was also outgoing and outspoken. However, I could have helped the situation by being honest about what I was called and ordained to do and not worrying about how people would view me. My husband’s friends and family began to secretly plant seeds of discord in our marriage by telling him that I was controlling and too outspoken. While he tried to make it seem as though those word seeds didn’t bother him, his opinion and view of me began to change, and it showed. We were no longer a couple. We had become competitors. Our marriage had become a “pissing” match, but I didn’t want to compete, nor did he. I simply wanted to fulfill my calling while being a wife. We couldn’t separate the calling into the five-fold ministry from our calling as husband and wife. The lines and boundaries became blurred, and after awhile, we no longer cared enough to fight for the covenant. This was not the only thing that led to the demise of our marriage, but I believe that this was a considerably large factor. I promised myself that I would never “down play” or minimize who I was fearfully and wonderfully made to be….

….And yet, I found myself falling in love with a much stronger personality, post divorce, and still down playing who I was, not because I wanted him to shine (He was and is a “shiner”), but because I was extremely intimidated by him. We clicked. We fit. We shared similar experiences. Our conversation fit. We were friends, yet his friends and some foes, were intent on making sure that whatever they thought we had would not prosper. I remember making the Big Mistake of sharing my heart, which was pure and full of Love towards this man, and those who I thought loved both of us, taking that information, perverting it, and using it to build a case against me towards him. Outside influences….. Because I felt that my ex-husband didn’t cover me and defend me, it is so important to me that real friends and those who say they love me, defend me and cover me. Because this man’s priority need was loyalty, when they came to him about me, he felt as though I had been disloyal to him. Neither of us considered the others’ perspective, which was based on what we had both gone through and experienced in our previous marriages. He helped me realize that I had lots of healing to do from my marriage and divorce, and I believe I helped him realize that he needed to do the same. He broke it off with me, and I NOW thank him for that. I’m thankful to him because he taught me to make no apologies for who I am. That separation taught me to let my light SHINE as bright as GOD wants it to be. Our time apart also taught me to love other SHINING stars quietly. No matter how much I love, I must be cautious in sharing and publicizing that love because adversity awaits to destroy it. I also learned just how strong my love can be. My love for him has weathered many storms…. many arguments…. many attempts to destroy it.

I’ve made many mistakes, but because I’ve learned so much in making those mistakes, I have no regrets. I’ve learned that when it counts most, my husband will not have to wonder if I’m his “Ride or Die” chick. My love is strong enough to weather the storm while we’re RIDING, and is strong enough to keep until DEATH do us part. I’ve learned to be me, unapologetically. I’ve learned that mature love is considerate and thoughtful. I’ve learned to learn people and their history before drawing a conclusion. I’ve learned that my perspective is limited, but GOD’S perspective is “many-sided”. Yes, I’m still talking about LOVE! I’ve learned that mature love covers and keeps. Finally, I’ve learned that love is to be kept in the secret garden until the Man of GOD and the Woman of GOD are ready to reveal it, defend it, and fight for it.

I love Pat Benetar’s song, “Love Is A Battlefield”….. It really is…..


One Response to “Love Is A Battlefield”

  1. Woman 2 Woman Inc March 12, 2012 at 3:48 pm #

    Love It!

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