This Calling

10 Jul

I have a married friend who tells me all the time, “Honey, I don’t envy you in this dating game at all!” Honestly, I’m in agreement with her. Dating is not for every single person. More often than not, I feel as though it may not be for me. I enjoy watching others fall in love. I rejoice with those who find the right one. However, when my daughter asked me this morning if I thought I would ever get married again, I could not answer “yes” with certainty. In my heart, I want to love again and share the rest of my life with my Mr. Right, but in real life, I often wonder if GOD created a man in HIS image and likeness who will accept me – Calling, Strength, Weaknesses, Flaws, and All.

Yep, I said it – The Calling on my life causes many men to reject me. The Calling is not all of me, yet it encompasses and requires all of me. It’s not the totality of who I am, yet it’s the reality of who I am. The Calling is the thorn in my flesh that buffets me. It keeps me on my face and often alone. This Calling requires the strength and outspoken nature of my personality. The Calling requires my passion and my love for GOD’S people. The Calling requires long suffering, patience, and kindness. The Calling requires my constant communication with others, organization and discipline in my life. The Calling requires a need for understanding and clarity. The Calling requires the purity and sincerity of my heart and my need to give love and care. These things, does The Calling require, but in building a healthy relationship, I’ve learned that my strength and outspoken nature are not desired. When establishing a relationship with a man, my passion and love for him as one of GOD’S children is not as valuable. My long suffering, patience, and kindess is an expectation whether it’s being reciprocated or not. When establishing a relationship with a man, my ability to “communicate” is overrated and my silence becomes golden. To most men, the need for understanding and clarity are equated to being a nagger. My organization and discipline cause me to look uptight and rigid, and my purity and sincerity of heart often make me look clingy and needy. In essence, when dating, I must “morph” into a new being if I desire to date successfully… or must I?

Although I often struggle in doing it, balancing such a personality is the key. I cannot change who I am, but I can balance how I issue out who I am. I still believe that the right man can handle ALL of me, yet I also know that I must still balance the rationing out of all of me. I’m a lot to handle! This I know, yet most mighty men are a lot to handle too, and unfortunately they don’t always know it. Come here, David! – A mighty man of GOD and a complex and often difficult man of GOD – At the same time, David was a man after GOD’S own heart. His covenant relationships were few. His mistakes in those relationships were myriad, but he loved GOD and sought to do HIS will. Now, take David, change the story a bit, make him a woman, and call her, Andrea. 🙂

I’m a WOMAN, operating in a GOD GIVEN calling that many believe is only ordained and sanctioned for a MAN, and I’m doing it in a MAN’S arena. While it’s often difficult, I KNOW I have a GRACE on my life to do it, which causes me to do it well. No matter what the sacrifice(s), I’ll choose The Calling every time…. Yes, I want my man, but I want to please my GOD more….. How ever HE’S ordained it to be be, I’m cool with it….



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